Archives: April 2007
Q&A Interview: ~A! of LiberalsOnly.com and WatchingtheWatchers.org
I've been lucky lately. Last weekend I sat down to talk with ~A!, also known as Anthony Levensalor, creator of WatchingtheWatchers.org and LiberalsOnly.com.
I asked ~A! why he got into political blogging and what advice he has for anyone considering doing it for fun or profit.
~A! wanted to be sure I mentioned a couple of his favorite sites, so here I go, mentioning them now: "The Drudge Retort, drudge.com, run by Rogers Cadenhead. Incredible site. Also, presidentshithead.com, which is less political and more vitriolic ranting, but I love it."
1. Could you describe how you came to be involved with WatchingtheWatchers.org and Liberalsonly.com?
I started WatchingTheWatchers.org in 2004 in the run-up to the election. I originally had the blog under John Byrne's BlueLemur.com blogs, and The Raw Story (also John Byrne's baby) helped jumpstart it big-time. John and I worked together on a number of things, and we still keep in touch now and then.
LiberalsOnly.com was a fit of pique, really. I just got tired of trolls. It irritated me to no end to be trying to debate a topic and be sidetracked by people who wanted to cast off logic and reason in favor of ad hominem attacks and vitriol. Which, of course, we have a bit of over at Liberals Only, but nothing is perfect.
2. What surprises you most about working with politically charged sites like LiberalsOnly and WatchingtheWatchers?
That's a tough question. There isn't much that surprises me about it. It's always an uphill battle in a world with billions of sites and thousands going up daily, so I guess I'm surprised when a post or story I write gets major attention. It's actually all pretty pat, once you realize that it takes a thousand posts to get a lot of attention to a single one.
3. Seeing as you're a techie, can you imagine any technological breakthroughs that you think could potentially alter the political landscape?
Real-time communication changes the way news and information are proliferated. The term "viral video" comes to mind when I think about the technological advances of just the last couple of years. Hell, I can blog or write news stories from my cell phone now, how much farther do we need to go? Maybe a chip in the brain that blogs your posts and uploads your youtube video directly from the brain.
4. What are some of the new things you're working on now?
I'm back working on Watching The Watchers now, and I'm working on upgrading LiberalsOnly.com to new forum software that will make administration a lot easier, and give people a better interface. That, and running my software business pretty much keeps me busy constantly.
5. What advice do you have for people thinking about getting into political blogging or site administration?
Make sure you know what you're getting into. This stuff isn't easy, takes up a lot of your time, and carries very little reward other than personal satisfaction. If you decide to do something like this, make sure it's because you love it, not because you expect to become rich, famous, or important.
Great Talent - Keith Tucker, of WhatNowToons.com
It's not every day I come across someone who's a better artist than I am.... Right. Actually, it is every day when I come across someone who's a better artist than I am. I suck.
Keith Tucker, though, is a rare talent. I take all the credit -- every damn drop of it -- for introducing you to the work of professional editorial cartoonist (that's fancy talk for someone who gets paid for making political cartoons) Keith Tucker, of WhatNowToons.com
Keith's work is available for syndication, so if you run a newspaper, magazine, or a website, get in touch with him.
Link: http://www.whatnowtoons.com/
Pollyticks.com Mug SALE!
This month my most popular item from the store, the white Pollyticks.com mug, is $10.99, 25% off the regular price of $14.99. I know, I know, you already have a shelf ready to break from all the Disneyland, Christmas-themed, Star Trek, and photo-printed mugs you own ... but why not go for one more? See, this one is in simple, soothing white. Get rid of all those busy mugs and drink from this one instead. Seriously, you'll feel smarter if you do.
Grab one here.
Bush Postpones Thinking about Iraq Until 2009
Says Thinking Would Send ‘Wrong Message’ to EnemySaying that it was too early to assess whether the surge of additional troops into Baghdad was improving the security situation in the capital city, President George W. Bush said today he would postpone thinking about Iraq until 2009.
While congressional Democrats have urged the president to start thinking about Iraq now, the president said that setting a timetable for thinking about the war would send the “wrong message” to the insurgents.
“Thinking about the war in Iraq is exactly what the insurgents want us to do,” Mr. Bush told reporters. “By saying that we are giving the war in Iraq a thoughtful assessment, we would be playing directly into the evildoers’ hands.”
The president also lashed out at the Democrats in congress for spending “untold hours” thinking about the war and argued that “excessive thinking” about Iraq would undermine the position of the U.S. troops there.
“The best thing we can do to support the troops is to not think about them,” the president said. Read more here...
Joke of the Day
"How about that Rosie O'Donnell thing? She has left 'The View' and is rumored to be hiding in the mountainous region of Afghanistan." --David Letterman"Yesterday, down in Washington, DC, it was Malaria Awareness Day. Here's the sad part ... a confused President Bush sent 20,000 troops to Malaria" --David Letterman
"Yesterday, President Bush visited a school in New York City. Before his visit, the city filled in all the potholes near the school. Not only that, before the president's visit, the school hid all the sharp objects and covered the electric sockets with plastic protectors." --Conan O'Brien
"Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey's ex-wife says that up until he announced he was gay, they had 'normal' sex. Apparently, Mrs. McGreevey defines 'normal' sex as sex where she has to wear a Justin Timberlake mask" --Conan O'Brien
Judge Skeeter
Everyone (who matters to me) says Rosy O'Donnell is a good person. I'm sure she is. But I think she's missing that gene that tells most people when to shut up.
Neil Cavuto of FOX News thinks Republicans are courageous because they appear on MSNBC
So I'm watching last night's debate...Cavuto is saying that, yes, FOX News is biased, but so is MSNBC, and the Republicans are willing to appear on MSNBC so there! Ha! Democrats are cowards for dodging FOX, but Republicans are courageous for being on MSNBC.
The Democratic presidential candidates all debating on MSNBC. And thinking none of 'em want anything to do with FOX.
Hate FOX. Hate us. For all I know, hate me too.
But lo and behold next week all the Republican candidates will be on MSNBC — the same channel that, as Mitt Romney pointed out, will include a moderator who used to work in the Carter administration and for Tip O'Neill. That could be unfriendly territory. These Republicans don't seem to care.
As Romney pointed out, "We're happy to sit there and have him dish questions to us."
Why?
"Because we have courage," Romney said. "I have courage of my convictions."
-Neil Cavuto, FOX News (cavuto@foxnews.com)
OK, first question, Neil: Can you prove FOX News and MSNBC are equally biased?
Neil Cavuto is a smug prick. The guy is so clearly out of touch with most Americans. He's got an unrealistically sunny attitude about life in America because he's one of the fat cats, collecting his millions for painting rosy pictures all week long for FOX News.
I don't give a crap if he wants to be optimistic in his personal life, but HIS optimism doesn't change the reality that tens of millions of Americans aren't living the same optimistic existence that he does, where money is virtually no object.
Joke of the Day
"President Bush sent out an e-mail today asking people to send money to the Republican Party. How come those e-mails never get deleted?" --Jay Leno"Yahoo announced they're going to host the first ever online presidential debate. Why Yahoo? Why not on a eBay? Candidates end up going to the highest bidder anyway" --Jay Leno
"New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg is busy. He says he wants to copy an anti-poverty program that is currently used in Mexico. Apparently, Mexico has a great anti-poverty program. It's called 'a bus ticket to Los Angeles.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Congratulations to presidential candidate Joe Biden, who has increased his poll numbers from one percent to two percent. ... Is that a big deal? Two percent? ... The margin of error is what ... three percent?" --Jay Leno
Giuliani Says America is Perfectly Safe Right Now. All That Would Change if a Democrat Were President
"TIME FOR THE ADULTS TO TAKE CHARGE!" REP. PETER DeFAZIO
This is funny on account of the part you don't see, where DeFazio walks off screen and snorts half a pound of crystal meth.
This man is fired up!
Joke of the Day
"I got myself a new computer this week. I got the Alberto Gonzales Dell computer. Have you seen this one? It destroys your e-mails and has no memory." --Jay Leno"Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich introduced articles of impeachment against Vice President Dick Cheney. Do you know what would happen if Cheney was impeached? George Bush would become acting president." --Jay Leno
"There was a prison riot in Indianapolis today. Over 35 former congressmen were involved." --Jay Leno
"Earlier today, President Bush met with the president of Peru. When the Peruvian president invited Bush to visit Machu Picchu, Bush said, 'Great, I love Pokemon.'" --Conan O'Brien
President Clinton and Rachael Ray of the Food Network's "30-Minute Meals"
So many jokes; so little time....
Media Refocus on Dick Cheney
Just a little sumfin' to stoke the partisan fires.
DISCLAIMER: No, I don't think Dick Cheney is an evil man. I think he's a totally inept, arrogant ideologue who places too much faith in corporatization, but, no, not evil.
Q&A Interview: Five Questions for Bartcop
Recently, I had the chance to down a few tequila shots with legendary blogger Bart, of Bartcop.com. Bart runs one of the country's leading humor and commentary sites. He's an institution, a force to be reckoned with, and one hell of a cool guy.
1. Bart, let's travel back to 1996. Bill Clinton is president, the Internet is just taking off, and you get an idea. Could you take us back to 1996 and why you started Bartcop.com? How'd you go about getting it off the ground?
I got on Prodigy (an early pioneer ISP) around 1992. I looked around, and found the RADIO section, so I clicked on it. I found the Rush Limbaugh room, so I stuck my head in. I read some of the most outrageous horseshit ever. (It was my first month on the innertubes).
"Rush is God, Rush should have my baby," they wrote. "Rush is America's savior, he's never been wrong," they fantasized.
I shot back, "What, are you people stupid or something? Rush is kidding! It's a joke! Rush is mocking the uneducated bigots while he steals their money!"
People wrote back, we started a dialog. Republicans said, "Bart, you suck," so I retorted, "No, YOU suck." That went on for a while, but you can only say, "You suck" so many times. But pretty soon I figured out that if I could mock their side better than they could mock mine, I'd win. So I put together an e-mail list with 20 friendly names and I started sending out political funnies.
Some time passed, then I got an e-mail from Marc Perkel saying, "Your stuff is kinda funny. Can I put your writings on the web?" and I said "Sure," and it grew from there.
2. Of all the work you've done related to Bartcop, of what are you most proud?
Sometimes people write, "You help me keep my sanity."
That's cool.
The page and the radio show are a lot of fun to do so it feels strange to do something that's fun and then have someone say, "Thanks" after that. Like I'm some 19-year old nimrod without a job, but whenever people see me playing Playstation 3 they say, "Thanks, you made my day today."
The 2002 Party at James Carville's place in DC was a highlight. Over 200 people attended, but that was because we had guest stars.
Later in 2002 we did our first VegasFest where I met Tommy Mack. That chance meeting turned a dry-word web page into the ongoing BartCop Radio experiment. We met, Tommy said, "If you have time later, we should talk," and the result was BCR.
Plus there's that little old lady in northern California who wrote to me one winter. She was broke and cold because she had no hot water - her water-heater had burst and flooded her place. She couldn't afford a new one, so she was trying to go the winter without hot water.
She called a local charity (I hope I have this right) and asked if they could help, and they said they could maybe help her if she would agree that Christ was King and yadda, yadda, yadda. She didn't want to jump thru their hoops so she told them to keep their money.
Not me.
For hot water, I'd say "God is alive and Cuervo is real tequila," because I'm not that strong. Once I knew she took a stand on principle, I put a thing on the page asking people to donate. Soon, we had enough to get a new hot water heater delivered and a little money left over to buy her some extra kerosene (I don't know how these things work.) to lighten her load a little.
This little old lady (retired military nurse) is now one of out best graphic artists! Swear to Koresh, the little old lady knows her photoshop and does great work!
3. What are some of the new things you're working on now?
I'd like to write a funny Bartcop biography, which I think would be a real f-ing hoot, but where will I find the time?
I never shot nobody, or been on trial for a crime, or beat up my wife, or got nailed smuggling cocaine, so the chapters won't be as exciting as some people's, but hey, I did some time in a Mexican jail :)
I think goofy shit happens to everyone, and condensing 53 years into 240 pages would make even a dull story sound good if someone with a smart mouth put a bunch of short stories together. I think the Bartcop Bio would be fun to read because the tragedy is so minimal.
4. Could you describe your creative process for us by taking us through an average workday?
IF I'm drinking tequila, I'm up about 8. With vodka it's closer to noon. (Just kidding) I put ten bags of green tea on the Joe DiMaggio (Marilyn's husband) and hit "Perk." I check my e-mail, add a few things to the page, and then Mrs Bart walks in because nine hours have passed. Time moves so fast, it's like "Lost" is on every night.
5. What are the best and worst parts of being Bartcop?
The best part is being recognized by the little people. No, wait, that can't be right because nobody knows me.
The best part is when I say something on Tuesday, and someone more famous than me says the same thing on ...say, ...late on NBC on Saturday Night.
The bad news is the good news, time flies when you're having fun. I guess if I wanted the next few years to slow down I'd start dating Nancy Grace or Laura the Harpy. That way, every minute would seem like a lifetime.
Send e-mail to Bart
Discuss it on The Bartcop Forum
Discuss it on the BartBlog
TAGS: Bartcop, Interviews, Blogging, Bloggers, Liberal, Political, Humor, Funny, Comedy
Joke of the Day
"Really, President Bush? You think [the Gonzales testimony] went well? Which part? Because the best thing anyone can say about Gonzales' testimony was that he didn't use the word 'nappy,' and he remembered to wear pants." --Amy Poehler"In his testimony yesterday, Alberto Gonzales admitted the firing of U.S. attorneys was mishandled. He said it was mishandled, but he was only marginally involved." --Jay Leno
"Sanjaya was voted off 'American Idol.' ... Experts say that America wasn't going to vote for a guy who spends that much time on his hair ... which is more really bad news for John Edwards." --Jay Leno
"I'm not saying Alberto Gonzales is in trouble, but today Sanjaya said, 'Get rid of him.' ... A new study says that heart disease is related to erectile dysfunction. No wonder Dick Cheney's been so grumpy all the time." --Jay Leno
U.S. Sends Rich Little to Iraq to Entertain Insurgents
Pentagon Hopes to Confuse the EnemyAs part of a bold new strategy to confuse the enemy, the Pentagon announced today that it was sending comedian/impressionist Rich Little to Iraq to entertain the insurgents.
While the U.S. has sent many comedians to Iraq to entertain the troops since the conflict begin there four years ago, Mr. Little’s mission marks the first time that the Pentagon has targeted the insurgents with comedy.
But after seeing Mr. Little perform at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner Saturday night in Washington, the Pentagon decided that Mr. Little was just the man for the job, and “Operation Little Entertainment” was born.
Said one Pentagon planner, “If Rich Little can quiet down Iraq the way he silenced that room Saturday night, we’ll consider this mission a big success.”
En route to his first show in Baghdad, Mr. Little was bullish about his mission, polishing his impressions of such dead presidents as Ronald Reagan and Richard Nixon. Read more here...
Joke of the Day
"After weeks of mock testimony, there you have it. Alberto Gonzales doesn't know what happened, but he assures you, what he doesn't remember was handled properly." --Jon Stewart"While you folks were applauding, John Edwards raised another $3 million for haircuts. ... John Edwards ... is trying to show folks he is a hawk. Today he declared a war on split ends." --David Letterman
"Campaign records now reveal that John Edwards is using his campaign money to get $400 haircuts in Beverly Hills. ... He said he only went to the expensive stylist because they are friends. Friends? What kind of friend charges $400 for a haircut?" --Jay Leno
"Presidential candidate Tommy Thompson, the former governor of Wisconsin, is speaking to a Jewish group ... and says to them, 'For the first time in my life I'm earning money, which is part of the Jewish tradition.' Then he apologized with, 'I'm sorry. ... I'm so sorry. That's the speech I was supposed to give in front of the Muslim group'" --Jay Leno
Weird Al's "White Boy Rap"
How old is Weird Al? I remember watching his Thriller parody when I was in high school. The guy must be approaching 50, but oddly he doesn't look a day older than he looked in 1988.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE: TV Funhouse: Torboto
TAGS: Comedy, Politics, Humor, Funny, Videos, Terror, Terrorism
Joke of the Day
So, George is doing yet another photo op at an elementary school, and this one’s been going pretty well, so he offers to take questions. A little boy raises his hand.“Okay, you,” says George, smiling. “What’s your name?”
“Billy.”
“Billy. And what’s your question?”
“I have three questions,” Billy says. “First, why did you go to war without UN approval? Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes? Third, where’s Osama bin Laden?”
George is taken aback. “Uh, those are really hard questions,” he says.
Just then the bell rings. “Whoops, time for recess!” George says. “Guess I’ll have to answer your questions when recess is over.”
After recess, when the kids have settled back down again, George says “Okay, who’s got a question?”
A little kid raises his hand, and George calls on him.
“What’s your name?” George asks.
“Steve.”
“Okay, Steve. What’s your question?”
“I have five questions,” Steve says. “First, why did you go to war without UN approval? Second, why are you president when Gore got more votes? Third, where’s Osama bin Laden? Fourth, why did the bell for recess ring twenty minutes early? And fifth, what happened to Billy?”
COLBERT: Sean Penn
TAGS: Colbert, Politics, Games, Sean Penn, Media, Congress, Humor, Funny, Comedy, Videos
A Day in the Life of Two Puppets at Department of Homeland Security
Puppetry At DHS - The most popular videos are here
If you look past the obvious conservative cynicism, the implications that there is no balance between cultural sensitivity and common sense, this isn't half bad.
Well, it's more than half bad, but it still made me laugh. I'm a sucker for anything with puppets.
TAGS: Puppets, Homeland Security, Funny, Humor, Comedy, Politically Correct
Global Warming Gets to Weatherman
Watch how this Fox affiliate cuts away to a new segement. You can smell the panic in the air at the newsroom. They're like, "Oh, Jesus, Tom has lost his mind! Quick! Cut to something else, anything, talking dogs, whatever!"
COLBERT: Paulina Porizkova
TAGS: Colbert, Paulina, Supermodel, Politics, Branding, Marketing, Media, Congress, Humor, Funny, Comedy, Videos
COLBERT: Branding Iraq
TAGS: Colbert, Iraq, Politics, Branding, Marketing, Media, Congress, Humor, Funny, Comedy, Videos
Joke of the Day
"Because of the storms back East, over 250,000 people still without power. In fact, it was so bad in Washington, D.C., Attorney General Alberto Gonzales had to resort to destroying e-mails by hand." --Jay Leno"FEMA told Congress this week that a revised emergency response plan it was ordered to develop after Hurricane Katrina will not be ready by hurricane season. Well, there's a shock. It's only been two years. I'm surprised FEMA even knows when hurricane season is." --Jay Leno
"In a recent interview, First Lady Laura Bush says she can't fall asleep at night without reading. She says that her nightstand holds so many books, she fears it might collapse. I guess that makes it easy to tell which side of the bed is hers" --Jay Leno
"Here's the worst part: Earlier tonight, Edwards hosted a dinner to raise money for a facial." --David Letterman
Rappin' Condi Rice -- Condelicious
TAGS: Rice, Rap, Funny, Humor, Comedy, Sketch Comedy, Politics, Music
BOROWITZ: World Shocked That Wolfowitz Has Girlfriend
‘Who Would Date Wolfowitz?’ Millions AskAmid the controversy swirling about World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz, millions of people today reacted with shock to what is universally considered the most improbable aspect of the story: that Paul Wolfowitz could have a girlfriend.
All over the world, from Wall Street to Main Street, reactions to the news about Mr. Wolfowitz ranged from “Who would date Wolfowitz?” to “Wolfowitz has a girlfriend? You have got to be shitting me.”
At the World Bank, work ground to a halt as colleagues of the organization’s controversial president staggered about in disbelief, searching for theories to explain such an impenetrable mystery.
“I can’t for the life of me figure out why anyone would go out with the Wolf-man,” said one World Bank employee on condition of anonymity. “He may be the second-least sexy man to come out of the Bush administration – right after Karl Rove.” Read more here...
TAGS: Borowitz, George Bush, Bush, Wolfowitz, World Bank, Karl Rove, Rove, Satire, Humor, Funny, Fake News
THE DAILY SHOW: The Real Surge
TAGS: The Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Gonzales, Justice, Congress, Humor, Funny, Comedy, Videos
THE DAILY SHOW: Justice Scandal!
TAGS: The Daily Show, Jon Stewart, Gonzales, Justice, Congress, Humor, Funny, Comedy, Videos
Joke of the Day
"Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." --George W. Bush, in Oct. 2000"The weather back East continues to be terrible. They've had so much rain in my home state of Massachusetts, Mitt Romney now claims he went hunting with a spear gun." --Jay Leno
"Mitt Romney has announced that his son Tagg Romney has joined the campaign. No word from the other kids -- Skip, Jump Rope, and See Saw." --Jay Leno
"President Bush picked [Iraq war architect Paul] Wolfowitz to head the World Bank in 2005. His mission? Use its mighty financial resources to raise the living standards of people around the world. His first beneficiary? Well, his girlfriend. Last week it was disclosed that Wolfowitz had used his influence to get a promotion and a raise for his long-time paramour, World Bank employee Shaha Ali Riza -- considered to be a foremost expert on the Middle East. Which means, you know what they say, opposites attract." --Jon Stewart
Joke of the Day
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?”Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and some chalk?” Saint Peter snaps his fingers and a blackboard and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with arcane mathematics and symbols his theory of relativity. Saint Peter is suitably impressed. “You really ARE Einstein!” he says. “Welcome to heaven!”
The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again, Saint Peter asks for credentials. Picasso asks, “Mind if I use that blackboard and chalk?” Saint Peter says, “Go ahead.” Picasso erases Einstein's equations and sketches a truly stunning mural with just a few strokes of chalk. Saint Peter claps. “Surely you are the great artist you claim to be!” he says. “Come on in!”
Then Saint Peter looks up and sees George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches his head and says, “Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their identity. How can you prove yours?” George W. looks bewildered and says, “Who are Einstein and Picasso?” Saint Peter sighs and says, “Come on in, George.” --Unknown
Bush and Rove Star in, "I'm Still Thuggin'"
TAGS: George Bush, Karl Rove, Bush, Rove, Gangsters, Politics, Funny, Humor, Jokes, Video
THE DAILY SHOW: Wolfowitz Screwed Up Iraq for Neocon Lovers
TAGS: Daily Show, Jon, Stewart, Comedy, Humor, Funny, Wolfowitz, Neocons
Al Gore's Travelin' Global Warming Show
Effing Fantastic! This video rocks!
TAGS: Al Gore, Environment, Cartoons, Global Warming
Joke of the Day
"Presidential candidate John Edwards said regarding the Imus scandal that he believes in forgiveness. Imus called Edwards to thank him and ask if he knew any radio jobs in that other America." --Jay Leno"The Bush administration on Wednesday extended the tours of Army troops in Iraq by three months, increasing their stay to a total of 15 months. Troops responded to the news, saying, 'I'm gay.'" --Amy Poehler
"Meteorologists believe the storm actually started in Washington. What happened was the hot air from Congress mixed with the cold chill from the White House. ... It was a powerful storm. The White House said that the storm destroyed over 10 million e-mails. ... They call this storm a Nor'easter. Which really confused President Bush. He heard a Nor'easter was coming and said, 'Great. Let's get the eggs out again.'" --Jay Leno
"I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children.--George W. Bush, the second presidential debate, Oct. 11, 2000
Rove: "But before I deleted all of my e-mail, I copied it down in my journal. I assure you, everything is there."
TAGS: Rove, E-mail, Political Cartoons, Karl Rove, Humor, Satire, Funny, Politics
Joke of the Day
"Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter has filed papers to run for president, but in his official filing, he misspelled the word 'president.' Political experts say it's all part of Hunter's plan to attract Bush supporters." --Conan O'Brien"The 2008 presidential campaign is underway, and the most important part, as always, will be the photo-ops, a chance for the candidates to show the voting public that their image can be captured on film, thus proving they are not vampires." --Jon Stewart
"This is a critical time in the conflict, one that calls for a strong leader. And what better title for that leader than one evoking an ineffectual, tyrannical dynasty ultimately slaughtered by Communists in a filthy basement deep in the Ural Mountains?" --Daily Show correspondent John Oliver, on why the position of "war czar" is being created
Three sharks meet in the ocean. They talk about their recent meals. The first shark says, "I swallowed the Ayatollah yesterday, but the guy had eaten so much garlic, I still feel sick." The second shark says, "That's nothing, pal! I swallowed Boris Yeltsin last week and the old guy had so much vodka in him that I'm still drunk!" The third shark laughs and says, "You guys are lucky! I swallowed George Bush three weeks ago, and he had so much air in his head, I still can't dive!" --Unknown
TAGS: Jokes, Bush, Jon Stewart, Daily Show, John Oliver, Humor, Funny, Conan Obrien, Political, Politics
BOROWITZ: Imus Moves to Al-Qaeda Network
Shock Jock to Anchor Three-hour Hate BlockJust days after his “Imus in the Morning” program was dropped by MSNBC, embattled shock jock Don Imus bounced back nicely today, landing a new show on Osama bin Laden’s fledgling Al-Qaeda TV network.
While Mr. bin Laden’s Al-Qaeda terror network has made headlines in recent years, the same cannot be said for his Al-Qaeda TV network, a perennial ratings laggard.
Critics of the network’s programming say that it is dull and uninspired, including such shows as “Osama in the Morning,” in which the fugitive terror mastermind spews repetitious hate-filled rants from a drab-looking cave.
In fact, Mr. bin Laden’s programming woes have been so pronounced that jihadist viewers around the world have urged the madman to abandon television altogether and focus on terrorism instead.
But after seeing Mr. Imus make his controversial remarks about the Rutgers women’s basketball team, Mr. bin Laden decided that the New York shock-jock was just what the doctor ordered to pump on the Al-Qaeda network’s anemic schedule. Read more here...
Wife of Deposed President of Liberia Asks for Help
This snuck through the ol' junk mail filter...Dear Friend,
I Beg You with all sincerity and humility i am Mrs Jewel Taylor,the wife of
the deposed President of Liberia, Fomer African colony of the United States
of America,
I write you this proposal based on the fact that i need your aid to relocate
to a safe haven my husbands personal funds and effects namely 200kgs of
gold dust bars with $12 Million USD,all deposited in a safety deposit box in
a financial institution which will be later disclosed to you upon your offer
of acceptance.
The lives of myself and my children are at risk ever since my husband
engaged himself in this rebel of a thing in my country which later saw him
as the president of my country.
We have currently been offered political assylum in the Federal Republic Of
Nigeria by its President,Olusegun Obasanjo,which will confine us to its
shores for the rest of my lives.
I have been guranted safety by the United States Government and that of the
Nigerian Government by a meeting held with both Presidents,President George
Bush Of the United States and that of the Nigerian President on the 10th of
July 2003 at the just concluded Leon Sullivan Summit Held In Nigeria but now
presentlly in republic of benin,
What you may hear of my husband should you decide to verify may not be of a
good report but he has learnt his lesson in the hard way and what i do now i
am doing it for the sake of my two daughters and son whom i pray to God in
order not for them to suffer for the sins of their Father.
I am prepared and willing to consider your price for aiding me in this
matter and will welcome your conditions to the best of my abilities.
Also i will provide you with a phone line in which i can be reached as it is
not possible for me to make long distance calls from my place of confinement
except i do it a few blocks away if the necessary need arises.
View this site to see a picture of me:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/2963086.stm
I look forward to your prompt response.
You can contact me with this E- mail...(2jeweltarloy@myway.com)
Yours Sincerely,
Mrs Jewel Taylor.
Joke of the Day
"A consumer watchdog group says there should be a box to check on your ballot if you want a dollar of your taxes to fight crime instead of going to presidential candidates. Which I think is a great idea. I mean, every time you take a buck away from a politician, you're fighting crime right there." -Jay Leno"Former Wisconsin Governor Tommy Thompson has announced he is running for president of the United States. Experts are saying this announcement could have absolutely no affect on the race whatsoever." -Jay Leno
"Do you believe the weather around the country? It was snowing in Washington. It was so white, people thought the Republicans were back in charge. It was so cold in Georgia that Newt Gingrich had another affair just so he could stay warm." --Jay Leno
"Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and John Edwards, as well as a number of other Democratic candidates, say they the will not participate in a presidential debate next month, because the debate is on Fox News and Fox News is biased. How are you going to stand up to terrorists when you're afraid of Fox News?" --Jay Leno
Snoop Dogs on Imus
DISCLAIMER: No, I don't approve of Snoop's or Imus' treatment of women. I just found it ironic that Snoop Dogg, of all people, would come down as hard as he did on Don Imus.
Joke of the Day
George Bush and George Bush were dragging a deer they had just shot back to their truck. Another hunter approached, pulling his alongside theirs."Sirs, I don't want to tell you how to do something," he said, " But I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer the other way. Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, George and George decided to try it. A little while later George said to George, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!"
"Yeah," said George, "but we're getting farther from the truck.
TAGS: George Bush, Bush, Jokes, Politics, Humor, Political Humor, Joke of the Day, Hunting
Johnny Cash on the Muppet Show
No, this isn't political, but my 3-month-old nephew is also named Cash (named after this here country music legend). Here in this clip we've got two of my favorite things: Cash and Muppets. Baddumbum!
McCain Has Alzheimers, Will Continue Campaign
WASHINGTON - At a brief press conference today, GOP Senator John McCain told reporters that he has Alzheimer's disease but will not be ending his run for the GOP nomination for president.
"I found a note in my desk drawer that my test results for Alzheimers three years ago were conclusive," McCain said. "But since I have Alzheimers, I guess I just forgot about it.
"My motto is 'surrender is not an option,'" McClain continued, "just like we're not going to surrender in Iraq, I will not surrender my bid for the presidency. I am perfectly capable of being president."
Before reporters could ask questions, McCain suddenly yelled, "I don't even know what year it is, goddammit! But don't take me to that hellhole Walter Reed or I'll kill you!"
The press conference was abruptly ended by McCain's staff who were able to wrestle the senator into a waiting car.