How Klinger Was More Man Than Bush

Why Press Secretaries Are Bad

You know how angry Sam Jackson's character from Pulp Fiction looked when he quoted that line from scripture that went something like, "And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee"? That's almost how angry this line from White House Spokesliar Tony McSnowjob made me:

Later, Snow said it was impossible to say if U.S. troops would remain in Iraq for some 50 years, as they have in South Korea. "I don't know," he said. "It is an unanswerable question. But I'm not making that suggestion. ... The war on terror is a long war."

The war on terror is a long war??? What's that? Could you repeat that, Tony? WTF? Tony... Tony... are we talking about the war in Iraq or the war on terror?

It just makes me want to friggin' choke somebody! OK, calm down. I know choking people is wrong, although it can be a total rush (It's a guy thing; try Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu).

Snow said this on Wednesday after Bush said something about envisioning a U.S. presence in Iraq similar to our presence in South Korea -- you know, the tens of thousands of troops we've had stationed there since the 1950s.

Sweet! So ... for a war we American stooges were told (VP Cheney said so; I heard it with my own eyes) would last six whole months, now the boss of America is letting slip how we may have a considerable military presence in Iraq for the next 50 years?

I feel so Sam Jackson right now.

Snakes on a Plane! Die muthuf*cka!

A Goldman of the Powerful Sachs Clan!

How to Present a Healthcare Plan in 2007

Joining John Edwards, Barack Obama has unveiled a universal healthcare plan. What I've read about it this morning sounds promising.

Healthcare Crisis

I think most of us agree there are too many Americans without health insurance, and I think a lot of us also agree that the problem is getting worse, both in terms of the number of uninsured, and the costs to businesses and individuals who are presently covered.

We (most of us, at least) see there's a problem, but where people on the left seem prepared and eager to let the government intervene in the problem, those on the right still haven't made up their minds about what to do. I get that the government isn't always the answer, but look at how the healthcare issue has changed since 2001. It's worse, right? Millions more are uninsured, premiums increasing 3-4 times faster than inflation, and some would say (like me) that the quality of care the average worker is receiving has suffered as a result of cutbacks that businesses have been forced to pass on to their employees.

Obama's Plan Thin on Substance

So Obama announces his plan, and from what I'm gathering it's thin on details. I still haven't been able to find a total cost for it, and I'm thinking that if Obama's team hasn't declared one, then that's just as well. If they had declared a pricetag, it almost certainly would have been wrong anyway because at this stage in the game, before government has been tasked to take the issue seriously, it would be silly to even try to calculate. Needless to say, the cost would be massive -- worth it, most likely, but massive nevertheless. Why give critics of the plan a target any sooner than you have to?

The few details I've gathered about Obama's plan so far are:

• Plan would cover all of the 45 million Americans currently without coverage in America.


• Those who can't afford coverage would get a subsidy on a sliding scale depending on their income, and virtually all businesses would have to share in the cost of coverage for their workers.


• Obama said his plan could save the average consumer $2,500 a year and bring health care to all. Who knows if he's right, but chances are this is the point critics of the plan will attack.


• Plan doesn't socialize healthcare, but "regulates" insurance companies instead.


• No pricetag on the plan yet, although Obama has said it would be costly.


• To help pay for it, all but the smallest businesses who don't make a meaningful contribution to the health coverage of their workers would be forced to do so to support the plan, and the temporary Bush tax cut for the wealthiest taxpayers would be rolled back.

Brace Yourself, Barack!

It's too soon to tell how the plan will be received -- scratch that. I think it's safe to assume that our beloved healthcare industry special interests and their stooges in Washington will ruthlessly attack it. The onus will be on all of us out here in the real America to sift through the rhetoric. Are we up to the task?

I know this much: healthcare is a critical issue for America. I have health insurance through my employer, so I'm one of the lucky ones, but not only are my premiums increasing at rates that my employer can't be expected to maintain for much longer, but the level of care I get is being trimmed and cut away, bit by bit, each and every year. At some point, something drastic has to be done about the healthcare system. If we keep ignoring the problem, it's only going to get worse.

Yeah, and then I trust and like Barack Obama. There's also that.

RED STATE UPDATE: War Funding Bill

Crazy SOBs

I've been following Jackie and Dunlap (Travis & Jonathan) for about six months now, and of all the YouTubers I subscribe to, they and Craig Ferguson (whose clips are posted on YouTube by CBS) are probably my favorites. My eyes light up every time I see there's a new Red State Update clip.

I'm 34 years old, by the way....

If you haven't seen this yet, take a couple minutes and shoot on over to their website and watch Grizzly Bear Man. I don't know if it's just me and my cartoonish sense of humor (I've mentioned that I'm a sucker for puppets too), but there are few things in this world as funny as a dancing man in a bear costume. There, I've said it.

Words of warning: You may not want to jump head-first into the phenomenon that is Travis & Jonathan, so my advice to you is to hold off before you watch Goat/Chupacabra. Don't start with that one. Warm up to it with some Red State Update first. Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Where's Mothra When You Need Him?

When I was a kid growing up in Hawaii there were a bunch of Japanese TV stations on Oahu. I watched a ton of Japanese TV, shows like Kikaida and so many Godzilla (sometimes pronounced go-jira) movies, cartoons and TV shows that they've all blurred together over the years. I don't speak much Japanese, but what little I do know I picked up from after-school Japanese TV.

A lot of folks don't know that in Japan Godzilla started out as a metaphor for the United States. His film debut was in 1954, less than a decade after the end of WWII and the atom bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. For years the Japanese were afraid of further attacks, and Godzilla, created by a hydrogen bomb test in the Pacific, personified that fear in the early movies.

In later Godzilla films (there were 28 of them in all), as times changed and America and Japan grew closer and time healed the old wounds of WWII, Godzilla would sometimes play the hero, defending Tokyo from other radioactive creatures like Mothra.

You're probably asking yourself what the hell Blue Steel is talking about.... Fair enough. He has no idea either.

GIMP: A Free Alternative to Photoshop

Howdy, folks. GIMP is a great open source program to edit and retouch your digital photos and other images, but the key thing to remember is that it's completely free. In features it compares well to the $79 pricetag Adobe sticks on Photoshop Elements 5.0.

In this beginner's hands-on look at GIMP, I highlight some of its features and walk you through retouching a digital photo.

I use GIMP, along with other programs like ComicLife and Flash, to produce the political cartoons and artwork on Pollyticks.com.

The program is available for Linux, Windows and Mac users, and you can get a copy of it here.

UPDATE, 08/03: Here's a link to a second, more advanced GIMP tutorial video too. -Blue

Q&A Interview: Leo Lincourt, Founder of the Carnival of the Liberals and Neural Gourmet

1. Leo, a lot of people aren't familiar with the term "blog carnival." What is a blog carnival, and how did you get involved with the Carnival of the Liberals?

At its simplest, a blog carnival could be compared to a magazine, in that it's published regularly and contains a number of articles, usually focused on a general topic. Beyond that basic similarity, blog carnivals part ways with their print counterparts. Instead of containing the actual articles, a blog carnival contains links to blog posts on other blogs. Also, a blog carnival traditionally has a different editor for each edition; i.e. a different blog plays "host" to the carnival each time and carnival hosts will often impart a unique theme or graphic design for their editions. Sometimes just the links are presented while other times the carnival's host will comment on each submission to varying degrees. I've seen blog carnivals presented as comic books, short stories, poems and even an audio book where the host read and talked about each post.

One way in which Carnival of the Liberals differs from many other blog carnivals is that most have an open publishing policy and will publish a link to almost any post that is sent to them, provided it's on topic. Carnival of the Liberals is a little different in that regard. Each edition's host is tasked with choosing the ten "best" posts out of those submitted. I chose to make this restriction for a handful of reasons.

Perhaps the foremost reason I chose to structure Carnival of the Liberals in this way is that the very first blog carnival, Carnival of the Vanities, was started by conservative blogger Silflay Hraka. When I started Carnival of the Liberals in November of 2005 (our first edition was published December 7, 2005), blog carnivals were dominated by conservative bloggers. In fact, there were no liberal/lefty blog carnivals to be found. And those conservative blog carnivals were full of crap. Really. Just simply atrocious. Imagine links to 20 or 30 people doing bad imitations of Bill O'Reilly, Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin.

I wanted Carnival of the Liberals to be better than that; I wanted it to be the best! I felt that by just publishing links to the 10 best submissions each issue, Carnival of the Liberals would come to represent the best of the liberal blogosphere, and that readers and bloggers alike would come to think of it as being worth reading. That was very important to me. If you reduce a blog carnival to its most base form, it's nothing but a link-fest, and while that tends to score points for the bloggers being linked with blog search engines like Technorati, it doesn't necessarily get their posts read. I hoped that if readers and bloggers held mutually high opinions of Carnival of the Liberals then the posts featured in each edition would actually get read, people would comment on them, and other bloggers would respond or elaborate on the featured posts on their blogs. So I didn't want just a static collection of links. I wanted a living, dynamic publication that would spur people to talk and think.

I also hoped that by featuring only the best posts each time I would create a little bit of competition and encourage liberal bloggers to improve their writing and communication skills, so that over time both liberal/lefty bloggers and Carnival of the Liberals by extension would become better and better. Additionally, I thought having a small number of great posts each time would mean that smaller bloggers who don't get many readers could be set on level with larger bloggers. I like to see editions that have a nice mix of writing by larger and smaller bloggers, long time Carnival of the Liberals contributors and newbies. This can give the smaller and newbie bloggers a nice boost in traffic, along with, perhaps, a few new regular readers.

But beyond that I hoped that we could organically grow a community of bloggers who would get to know and work with each other. Far too often the left is fractured and divisive. We're each out there working on/writing about our own thing, often unknown to our neighbors. That's fine if you're keeping a diary; that's not how to bring about change. We've got to work together and be aware of what others are thinking and doing and I think blog carnivals are one very good way of doing that. All of this is what was going through my head when I decided to start Carnival of the Liberals. Of course, all these thoughts didn't just sprout and bloom in my mind all at once. Rather, Bora Zivkovic's posts on blog carnivals, particularly this one, influenced my thinking quite a bit (coincidentally, as I write this, the latest edition of Carnival of the Liberals is hosted by Bora at A Blog Around The Clock). In fact, I was so taken with Bora's posts on blog carnivals that I e-mailed him to discuss the topic some more, whereupon he encouraged me to start Carnival of the Liberals. Additionally, Paul Van Heden from Brainshrub was enthusiastic about the project and was initially going to be my partner in it, but time constraints didn't allow that to work out for Paul. I can also thank both these guys for helping to promote the carnival early on, which really allowed Carnival of the Liberals to be successful from the start.

2. You seem like such a positive and optimistic person. With so much bad news out there today, how do you stay positive?

I have to admit, this question really made me think. I know that in terms of the general communications involved with Carnival of the Liberals I come off as a pretty upbeat person, but I'm certainly no Pollyanna. I try to make Carnival of the Liberals a fun experience for everyone involved, so to a certain degree there is a bit of showmanship. However, I think if one reads through my own site, Neural Gourmet, you'll find me often holding forth opinions that are less than optimistic.

In particular, I'm gravely concerned about resurgence in anti-semitism, anti-intellectualism, conspiracism and a type of post-modernist Pyrrhonism that has become popular. Those first three are typically the domain of the extreme right wing, but in recent years they've made a strong showing on the left and that scares me. That last is almost exclusively owned by the far left. To be clear, I'm not certain to what degree these are problems. I don't think the vast majority of lefty/liberal types hold such beliefs, and those who do tend to be rather self-marginalizing. However, for all that the internet, especially the web, empowers people by providing them with an avenue to easily and cheaply make their voice heard, it also provides the same for the bigots, fear mongers and neo-Luddites. I don't think these problems can be ignored.

» There's more to this entry. Click here for the rest of it.

Should I Start a Forum?

Political Forum

I feel like such a doofus. For the past week or so I've been researching online forum software, thinking that maybe I should add one to Pollyticks.com, but what do you do when you ultimately have no damn idea whether or not something's a good idea?

Paralysis Through Analysis

I put my meager organizational skills -- and I use the term loosely -- to work, fire up Microsoft Excel and begin scouring Google for examples of community forums to help me make a decision. There are some decisions, and obviously on the greater scheme of things this one is insignificant, for which there's no clear-cut answer. You can make a list, note the pro's and cons, blah, blah, blah ... but what it really comes down to is a guess.

Here's what I think is going to happen: I'll take my Excel spreadsheet comparing the features, support, scalability (fancy talk for "Can it be upgraded?") and cost of the major open source and commercial forum packages out there, then I'll close my eyes and pick one at random. Tada!

If You Build it, Will They Come?

And here's the best part: watch no one ever visit the forum. It'll be like a haunted house deep in a swamp somewhere, like the Pirates of the Caribbean ride, with fireflies and crickets the only signs of life. Mark my words. But I like forums, and even though there are literally tens of thousands of them out there, I usually get myself banned from them for being either too conservative or not conservative enough. I think I'm a little too moderate for this here Internets, yawl.

Why Most Forums Blow

Another thing that bugs me about most political forums out there is that people get so damn snippy. Spend 10 minutes on Huffingtonpost.com or Dailykos reading the comments, and if you're anything like me, you'll be shocked by how nasty people get. Folks seem comfortable typing things to others that they'd never in a million years dare say to their face. They get all territorial, guarding their message boards: "You're not one of us! Shut up! You're so stupid, you stupid head! I bet you think you're funny LOL!" That, in a word, sucks. I don't care what your opinions are, but you've got to be polite, and if someone starts something with you, it's the moderator's job to intervene. Don't fight fire with fire. It's a freakin online chat room; not a UN Security Council meeting.

Work in Progress

Once the forum is online and working correctly, I'll ask visitors to help create the different categories, but I had a couple in mind, like one called "What If?" where every new thread is started with a hypothetical and the phrase "What if..." What if Jeb Bush announces his candidacy later this year and to everyone's surprise starts polling at the top of the Republican field? He distances himself from his brother, actually attacking his brother's policies, and shows that he's hands-down the frontrunner for the nomination -- stuff like that. I've used "What if?" as a brainstorming tool for different things I've worked on, so I wanted to play around with that.

So, that's something I've been working on. I'm pretty sure I've settled on vBulletin to drive the forum, but I intend to do a little more research (and soul searching). Please let me know what you think about a Pollyticks forum, and send over any suggestions you have. Don't pull any punches, but try to be kind with the criticism. Blue Steel has feelings too. =)

TAGS: Political, Forums, Discussion, Community, Help

Is the Jedi Council Racist?

This is freakin' hilarious. I don't know anything about the guys who put it together. I mean, it looks a little like cable access television, and the costumes the characters are wearing look like those outfits you buy at stores that open up at the mall a few days before Halloween. I think that only makes it funnier.

Disaster Preparedness Training

How to Make Political Cartoons With ComicLife

A very basic hands-on introduction to using Plasq's ComicLife to make political cartoons and comics (or any other kinds of cartoons and comics). ComicLife comes preinstalled on all new Apple Macintosh computers, and by July 2007 will be available for Windows PCs as well.

RED STATE UPDATE: A Message From Dunlap (Jackie '08)

Could Jackie do any worse than GW has? I seriously doubt it. Think about it: you can bet he'd keep a low profile, not wanting the job and all. I mean hell, having no president at all would be preferable to having George Jr. It's like when you've got a scab that you can't help but pick at. Sometimes the best medicine is leaving it alone. Couldn't the same be said of Washington politics? Just get someone in there who won't touch it for a while. Let the scab heal. Then, maybe after a while, we could elect a real president again.

I grew up on Vienna sausages ... and I love RC cola. Jackie for president in '08!

Bush Forced Congress to Back Down?

Poor Reporting

I read an article on Newsvine this AM by some guy named Terence Hunt, who's an AP White House correspondent. This piece of crap article is a perfect example of what drives me nuts about reporters.

White House PR Machine

Hunt was obviously spoon fed a line of crap by some White House press liason, and rather than question any of it, rather than do a little digging to get more sides of the story, he whipped out his laptop and cranked out a story from a White House press release, writing manure like Bush "...scheduled a news conference to talk about the unpopular war and the relentless violence." *cough* I bet it was an email or a fax, like an email from The Office of Political Affairs, krove@press.whitehouse.gov, or something sweet like that. Or, how about this load of steaming crap: "The Democrats backed down because they were unable to achieve the two-thirds majority needed to override Bush's veto." Really? The Democrats back down because they couldn't send Bush a veto-proof bill?

Grow Balls

Come on, that's not true. Even if the Dems hadn't passed a veto-proof bill, they still could have passed a bill. Then, it would be on BUSH to pass off on it or whip out his veto pen. It would have been on Bush to fund the troops. Congress, hundreds of individuals mind you, could have said that they did their job, funded the troops, and then sent the bill to Bush. The Democrats weren't forced to do anything; they CHOSE to back down. Big difference. The Democrats were afraid to head back to their home districts under a White House PR campaign smearing them for not funding the troops. Too many Democrats in Congress were simply afraid to fight.

Being Right Helps

And it's a fight the Democrats would have won, had they chose to wage it, because the facts are on their side. The White House has run this war for more than four years with no end in sight, a huge lose of treasury, major loss of life on both the American and Iraqi side, less respect for American leadership around the world, more acts of terrorism worldwide, and NO clear path to anything resembling a victory going forward. It's time for someone else to force a change, time for Congress to do its job.

Political Strategery

I'm sure it was partly a political calculation, with some Dems thinking better opportunities to tie timetables to spending bills are coming down the pike, but it's still a huge disappointment.

Bush is taking advantage of the Democrats' perceived weakness over the Iraq spending bill to spread more half truths about Iran, al Qaeda's plans in Iraq, our brilliant successes in the war, and then to try to tie everything together under the auspices of the glorious War on Terror.

I believe President Bush is playing a political game and making yet another move in that gamet today. He intends to lay the groundwork to be able to skip right through September and October without any drawdown of forces in Iraq, regardless of the direction of the war in Iraq. He will stress the situation with Iran, doing his best to tie it in with the ongoing war in Iraq. Matter of fact, I think folks better brace themselves for an actual buildup of forces in Iraq and increasingly aggressive rhetoric against Iran. Through tricks of political and military slight of hand, by timing the arrival of replacement troops with the cycling out of tired ones, there will be periods where well over 150,000 US troops will be working "on the ground" in Iraq. Mark my words, and it sucks to no end.

Tune in this afternoon for more White House spin-doctoring, folks. Bring your barf bag.

The Slowskies

What Makes Me Mad

Fox News, Michelle Malkin, Newt Gingrich and the immigration issue...

Joke of the Day

Cool Tip for You Windows (L)users Out There

Put down the baseball bat! I'm just kidding. I love Macs and Windows PCs equally.

Riiiiight. ; )

Regardless, good news for Windows users (those of you with a sense of humor).

Mormon Church Gets "Pwned"

You guys know me -- I'm always trying to help out. So I came across this highly educational video on YouTube, posted by a guy who calls himself Brett Keane. I don't know if that's his real name, but it's a fine name nevertheless. It works as far as names are concerned. Anywho, if you, like me, have often wondered about the Mormon Church, wonder no more, friend, because here's everything you ever wanted to know about the Mormons.

Very informative. I feel so much smarter now.

DISCLAIMER: This video should not serve as your sole reference on Mormonism.

Presidential Powerpoint

Cartoon first ran on August 13, 2006

SNL: '08 Spring Cleaning on TV Funhouse

RED STATE UPDATE: Jackie '08 Campaign Theme Song

I've been thinking about asking Jackie and Dunlap for an interview. These two guys crack me up. They do a lot more than Red State Update though. Their real names (far as I know) are Travis and Jonathan. Check out their site.

Barnyard #1

The Right Rainbow Coalition

* Credit to Stephen Colbert for the joke

Will Ferrell, American Hero

Crawford Man Convicted of Having Sex with Pet Goat

Bush Grants First Pardon of 2007

A Crawford, Texas man convicted of having sex with his 3-year-old pet goat was released from prison Tuesday after Governor Rick Perry delivered word that President Bush had issued a pardon. Gary Foyle, 52, was convicted late last year of lude acts with a farm animal. Governor Perry said the president was moved by Foyle's story of love and loss.

"The president asked if I liked romantic comedies," Perry said, "and then he told me he once had a pet goat."

As governor, Perry is able to pardon people convicted of crimes under Texas law, but this pardon came direct from Washington. In paperwork filed with the Texas State Department of Corrections, Bush claimed that Foyle did not receive a fair trial, citing "jury tampering" as the official explanation for the pardon, but while tampering becomes the official reason, others believe it may have been something else.

"It's a Crawford thing," Crawford resident Linda Blowsott said. "Folks from 'round here stick together, and life on a ranch is something else, I'll tell you what. To answer your question, yes, it does get lonely out here sometimes."

The pardon marks the first of 2007 for the president and only the 113th of his presidency - the stingiest record among the 11 presidents since the end of World War II.

It may also go down as one of strangest presidential pardons in history, ranking with the 1908 pardon of convicted lion-lover Tilly Hollingsbeck by then President Theodore Roosevelt, a lifelong fan of the circus.

"I have to admit," Governor Perry said. "I don't know very much about goats, but in the greater scheme of things, I don't think this pardon is big news."

Perry might be right. The president is in the midst of not one but three scandals involving his administration, with his top aide Karl Rove implicated in at least one of them. It is doubtful Bush's latest pardon will receive much scrutiny at all.

"Besides," Perry added, "this story really boils down to love, and there's never enough of that to go around."

*First posted March 27, 2007

TAGS: Geoge Bush, Ranching, Texas, Governor, Farm Animals, Satire, Parody, Politics, News, Funny, Humor, Goats

THE DAILY SHOW: Romney's Double Guantanamo

Summer of Love

McCain, Giuliani Romance Began as Rivalry

Accident at Restaurant Led to Affair

Despite freak storms bringing record rains and cold temps to sections of the East Coast, spring is in the air. On the campaign trail, romance has flourished. Sen. John McCain and Rudy Giuliani, once rivals for the 2008 Republican nomination for president, have stepped out of the closet and into the limelight.

Critics call it a publicity stunt, but people close to the campaigns say it's genuine.

"I'd just gotten back from Baghdad," McCain explains, "where, BTW, things are MUCH, MUCH better than they were before the surge, and the McCain team stops at a Burger King for lunch. I get out, right, to shake some babies and kiss some hands, and who do I see? -- none other than Rudy. He's chatting up a cashier at the register, so I surprise him, right? I sneak up from behind and shock him in the ribs!"

McCain says Giuliani whirled around in surprise, but the look in the former mayor's eyes wasn't one of anger or disgust. McCain says he saw love and understanding beneath that balding pate.

"It's just one of those things that happened," McCain said of their meeting at Burger King. "When it was time to go, we both moved in for a hug-n-shake and one of those safe cheek kisses, but at the last instant, one of us -- I think it was Rudy, but he says it was me -- turned to face forward, and our lips locked. The rest is history."

The Giuliani camp was unavailable for comment, but would-be ex-first lady Donna Hanover, one of the former mayor's former wives, said she was not surprised to hear the news.

"John McCain is an attractive older man," Hanover said. "And Rudy is probably tired of looking for love in all the wrong places."

In other news, President Bush issued an executive order prohibiting use of the words "White House scandal."

*First posted on April 17, 2007

TAGS: John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, Satire, Parody, Humor, Funny, Love, Presidential Campaign, 2008

MARK FIORE: The Axis of Uh-Oh

Fiore is great at using dialogue in his animations. I think of his stuff more like print editorial cartoons than short films. They're rich in subtle satire, which is a little unusual considering the medium. The Spiridellis Brothers over at JibJab.com have a completely different style, more elaborate but sometimes less provocative, opting for more visually active, slapstick humor than Mark Fiore does. I like both styles.

Rev. Jerry Falwell, 1933-2007

Here's another of the reverend's doozies: "The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way -- all of them who have tried to secularize America -- I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'" --on the 9/11 attacks

It's not right to revel in the reverend's death, but it is right to remember him correctly. If we're going to memorialize a backward scumbag like Jerry Falwell, let's at least be honest about it.

The End is Nigh!

Bush Approval Rating Rises Among Mythical Creatures

NARNIA - In a surprise to Narnian poll takers, President Bush's job approval rating rose 11 percent last month as an unusually bitter winter storm season sparked memories of the White Queen's tyrannical rule.

"I just had to check myself," centaur Graythorne Silvershoe said. The half man, half horse remembered a far worse winter a few years ago, one that lasted centuries. "I mean, they were feeding horse meat to their wolf soldiers and I'm half horse. George Bush invaded Iraq, but the White Queen butchered my cousin for food. I was like, 'Hello!'"

Among satyrs, nixies, pixies, goblins, fairies, trolls and even minotaurs, the president's job approval rating rose in the poll. Overall, 43 percent of mythical creatures now approve of the job George Bush has done as president. Only among talking beavers did the rating fall substantially, to where it now stands at 15 percent.

"So much talk about Iraq and Afghanistan," said Chester Wigglesbum, "but not a word in months about New Orleans or the levees?" With another hurricane season on the horizon, Wigglesbum, who works in construction, criticized the federal government's efforts to protect the city from the next big storm. "That city still isn't prepared for another hurricane, and I don't see a whole lot of concern from George Bush. Kanye West was right."

Relations between mythical creatures and the White House had been strained since last October when White House Press Secretary Tony Snow referred to Representative Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio), Congress' only mythical creature, as an "ogre." Kucinich is a goblin.

*Originally posted March 18, 2007

TAGS: Narnia, George Bush, Mythology, White House, Politics, Satire, News, Kucinich

COLBERT: Gay Minotaur Polygamy

Joke of the Day

DISCLAIMER: Before you tear me a new one, count to 10 and remember, it's just a joke.

FDA Approves Drug to Treat Interest in Politics

Side Effects Include Fecal Hurling and Sexual Dysfunction

A new pill developed by the federal government to treat people "interested in politics and public awareness" has been approved by the Food and Drug Administration, skipping the human trial phase entirely.

Animal testing showed the new drug, Obliviosa, "greatly decreased the need to know" with surprisingly few side effects. In one study, a group of 12 chimpanzees were given high doses of Obliviosa and then had their food taken away from them. Over the course of a week, only one of the chimps protested, throwing feces at the other chimps, who promptly ate it.

FDA spokesman Dr. Brian Stoot said he hoped doctors would prescribe Obliviosa to all of their patients.

"If there's one thing we know," Dr. Stoot said, "it's that Obliviosa is safe. We've been pumping it into the water sup -- aren't chimps the cutest things? Except for those pink asses."

Record interest and grassroots involvement in the 2006 mid-term elections left millions of Americans obsessed with national politics, but Obliviosa promises to help them refocus on their lives again.

"With so many awesome distractions out there," Dr. Stoot said, "you'd think people wouldn't care about national politics. At first that's what we thought. But they do. And treating that problem is something this government takes very seriously."

Proponents of the new drug warn that one of its side effects, sexual dysfunction, seems to be a problem, but Dr. Stoot says "that is something we just don't talk about, ever. God is watching."

Elsewhere, Vice President Cheney called Democrats terrorists, again.

TAGS: Bush, Cheney, Funny, FDA, Politics, Political, Humor, Satire, Parody, Fake News, News, Democrats, Republicans

Fox NEWS: More 1/2 Hour News Hour

Fox NEWS is still trying with their Daily Show knockoff, the 1/2 Hour News Hour. I watched the first few episodes, and this latest one is a marked improvement over the earlier ones hosted by Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter. Too bad it's still not funny. Check it out for yourself. Someone said this had been the top rated show on cable news when it aired from 5-11pm, which is more disappointing than surprising considering Fox's audience.

Why is it that the victims have to be the butt of every joke? -- the Rutgers/Duke sketch, the sexually harassed, you name it.

Vice President Dodges a Bullet

Another Monica

COLBERT: Korean Pop Song

SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE: Weekend Update -- Manties

RED STATE UPDATE: 100 Most Influential People

THE DAILY SHOW: Success Is Not 'No Violence'

Greetings and Salutations

Hi there. Happy Saturday! Yea! Yea! Ya know, I'm so friggin' glad it's Saturday. I don't know about you, but I needed this weekend. Sorry I haven't gotten around to a new cartoon or anything yet today, but check back later. For this week I'm working on getting a few new interviews for Pollyticks, each with something helpful to offer, some tip or bit of advice for would-be cartoonists or bloggers, as well as a couple other things I'm hoping you'll like.

In my day job I fix computers all day long, Monday-Friday. I put together Pollyticks issues in the mornings before going to work and on the weekends before the gym, but today was one of those days I got started late, and now I'm running behind. Mrs. Steel wants my input for a story she's writing for a Cruise magazine on Hawaiian adventure sports. I love the irony: a story on Hawaiian adventure sports written on a laptop in Northern California by two homebodies. That's how adventurous the Steel Family is.

Have a great weekend, look through the Articles and Archives on the site if you're a new visitor, and I'll talk to you soon.
-Blue Steel

Love-Hate Relationship

President Clinton's Last Days in Office

You may have seen this clip before, and I had but it was a long time ago. It's weird seeing a different president walk around in the White House. Nowadays it's always all Bush, all the time, but the day will come when GW Bush will be little more than a distant memory, and someone new will occupy the White House.

All we have to do is make it 'til then.

The Wal-Mart Experience

Sorry about the tiny thumbnail. I'm still trying to figure out some changes JibJab made this week to the code they publish to embed clips into web pages.

Joke of the Day

"President Bush's approval rating has dropped to an all-time low of 28%. Here's my question: Is 28% still technically an approval rating?" --Jay Leno

"It's a beautiful day. Or, as Al Gore calls it, the last gasp of a dying planet." --David Letterman

"But with months until the primaries, there's only so much dirt you can dig up on these people. We already know that Barack Obama went to a radical madrasa and that Dennis Kucinich's paternal grandfather was the Lorax." --Stephen Colbert

"Help is on the way, people -- Dick Cheney in a secret surprise visit. The vice president put on his Sunday best and arrived in Baghdad under cover of darkness. Now I know it appeared to be in the middle of the day, but Cheney, as you know, always brings his own cover of darkness. It's like Pig-Pen, but instead of dirt, followed by an intangible void." --Jon Stewart

FERGUSON: Clinton's Crossword Puzzle

Iraq for Sale

Supposedly, this video was banned in Congress yesterday. Robert Greenwald, the director of IRAQ FOR SALE, was invited to testify before Congress by Rep. Jim Moran on May 10th. Greenwald had prepared four minutes from the documentary to show, but, as the story goes, Republicans insisted this not be shown. I'm not sure how they could have stopped it from being shown since they don't hold a voting majority on any Congressional committees, but at any rate that's the story making the rounds on sites like digg.com and YouTube.

The clip blew me away. Unless you assume that every one of the interviews is bullsh*t, it stands to reason that a huge amount of money is being wasted in Iraq, and a lot of it is enriching big corporations to the detriment of U.S. soldiers who could and probably should in some of these cases be doing the jobs contractors are being overpaid for doing. Hiring a civilian contractor to check people in on a sign-in sheet to use computers for e-mail? Is that really something that only a civilian making tens of thousands of dollars/year is qualified to do? I imagine the contractor's employer has some justification for it - "You see, all our employees are screened for penmenship, good eyesight and integrity on the job."

What I'd REALLY like to know is if and how the big corporations that are profiting off the war are influencing policy decisions in Washington. Is there direct influence? Like are executives from these companies meeting with people in the government to ask them to buy another shipment of these fancy new grenades or these new waterproof socks or bulletproof watches or whatever? Are they trying to influence the decisions of our leaders?

Cheney's Powers of Persuasion

American Priorities and Michael Moore's Trip to Cuba

Does everyone like Michael Moore? That's an easy one to answer. No, the right wing hates him. They really started hating him a few years ago after the release of his anti-Bush film Fahrenheit 9/11. I refer to it as a film and not a documentary to respect the opinions of the Moore-haters, and because I don't think Moore himself would mind.

Sicko, Moore's upcoming film about the healthcare industry in America, already has armies of critics and fans. No one has seen it yet, but that's a minor detail. Everyone knows what to expect. In February, Moore took about 10 ailing workers from the Ground Zero rescue effort in Manhattan for treatment in Cuba. For that, Michael Moore is under civil investigation by the Treasury Department for not filing the appropriate paperwork beforehand. Cuba is an enemy of the state, dontcha know.

Moore's people haven't yet responded to the allegation, which they received by letter from the Department earlier this week.

Why do conservatives hate Michael Moore? One reason, really: he's liberal. But the official answer is that they believe Moore, as many allege of the Bush White House, "massages the intelligence" in his films, again, particularly the anti-Bush one, because before that film most people loved the hell out of Michael Moore, even though conservatives would deny it. Ironically, many conservatives have never seen Fahrenheit 9/11, but no matter. They hate IT and hate HIM just the same, thank you very much. Even more ironic is the fact that most liberals idolize Michael Moore, even though many of them haven't seen Fahrenheit 9/11 either, but I digress.

Having read a summary of Sicko, it's safe to say the film skewers the healthcare industry and the special interests that shield and protect their huge profits. Incidentally, the healthcare industry tops the list in terms of dollars spent on lobbying Washington. More than $1 billion was spent in 2005 by pharmaceutical companies lobbying legislators and the White House to protect drug company business interests. In this case it means fancy lunches, presentations at luxurious resorts, carefully disguised kick-backs to Congressmen, Senators and government employees to gain either legislative support or some other kind of support. Same thing a vendor does to woo a prospective client, except the client is the government and the people we've elected to look out for our best interests.

No matter what the critics say about Sicko when it opens in theaters later this year, people have already taken sides on Michael Moore. It'll be interesting to learn whether or not the Treasury Department has too.

UPDATE 5/10/07: Moore has posted a response to the Treasury Department investigation on his website here.

MARK FIORE: Pentagon Film Fest

Joke of the Day

"Queen Elizabeth met with President Bush over the weekend. I thought this was nice of President Bush. ... He took the time to learn a little bit of English so he could speak with her." --Jay Leno

"The Washington Post reports that Senator Hillary Clinton is trying to win the Democratic nomination by reaching out to women. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, 'Oh sure, when she does it, it's okay.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Speaking of elections, last week Republicans held their first presidential debate. ... All the big candidates were there. McCain, Romney, Giuliani, Brownback, Huckabee ... and five other candidates who demonstrated the Republican Party's diversity. All the colors of the rainbow from eggshell to ivory." --Stephen Colbert

"How many of you watched the Republican debate last week? ... There were ten candidates. Ten. You know what you call that many Republicans in one room? A board meeting." --Jay Leno

Family Guy - Tough Economy, Desperate Measures

Giving the term "odd job" new meaning...

COLBERT: Obama's Kingmaker

On Surprise Visit to Iraq, Vice President Gets to the Bottom of Things

Not-so Special Report w/ Brit Hume

What is a hedge fund? If you're like me, you don't really know, but fret not. Our good friends at Fox NEWS have the answer, and like always they're more than happy to share.

According to Fox NEWS blowhard and smug bastard Brit Hume, hedge funds are group investments that are not as tightly regulated as traditional mutual funds. Sound ominous? But wait, there's more. Multimillionaire Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards actually worked for one of these -- the bastard! How dare he! That two-faced hypocrite worked for a hedge fund! Oh, the humanity!

Hedge funds -- and doesn't the name sound ominous and suspect, too? Hedge fund? Not like a retirement fund, or an emergency fund, but a shady hedge fund.

Hume's daily attack on Democrats today targeted Edwards for admitting to work for one of these shady, sneaky, unpredictable hedge funds to learn how financial markets relate to poverty. "It was primarily to learn," Edwards said, "but making money was a good thing, too."

Did John Edwards say or do something wrong? Because clearly Brit Hume thinks so and is implying it in his commentary. What did Edwards do wrong? Hume doesn't tell us what kind of work the Fortress Investment Group that Edwards says he worked for does. He doesn't tell us the kinds of people who invest in the fund. If there's something improper about Fortress Investment Group, then I'd like to see the kind of people who own that fund. God forbid any are good upstanding Republicans.

Hume also hasn't shown if Edwards has been something other than truthful. He implies it, but he doesn't know, does he?

These days, it seems like all it takes to smear someone is the implication of impropriety. Whatever happened to reason? Paul Wolfowitz was not only accused of helping his girlfriend get a pay raise and a better job where he works at the World Bank, he was CONCLUDED to have acted improperly by his employer. Edwards is being tried and found guilty by Brit Hume, and people like him, who don't have all the facts, don't care about the facts in this case, don't know John Edwards from dirt, and ultimately don't like or trust him simply because he's a Democrat.

Whatever happened to reason?

BILL MAHER: 32 Second Summary of GOP Debate

Joke of the Day

"My favorite part of the debate was when Chris Matthews asked, 'Who does not believe in evolution?' And Sam Brownback, Mike Huckabee and Tom Tancredo all raised their paw. ... They said they do not believe in evolution. Then they said the biggest threat to America is religious radicals living in the Dark Ages. " --Jay Leno

"This is the week that Congress sent the president a bill to bring the troops home, which, of course, as he promised he would do, vetoed it. The president said setting a deadline for withdrawal was setting a date for failure. And we all know, this is a president who likes his failures unplanned and spur-of-the-moment." --Bill Maher

"Because of Barack Obama's immense popularity, he has already been given Secret Service protection. ... Poor Joe Biden. Did you see what he got? A can of a mace and a pen knife." --Jay Leno

"Time Magazine released its list of the '100 Most Influential People in the World.' President Bush is not on the list. However, supermodel Kate Moss is. I guess the scary part is that Katie Moss actually has a better plan for getting us out of Iraq" --Jay Leno

COLBERT: The Anti-Religion Bigotry Bill

THE DAILY SHOW: GOP Clusterf*ck (Debate)

Hillary Workin' That Charm

BRETT KEANE: "I GIVE UP ON ATHEISM"

BOROWITZ: France Fails to Elect Hottest President Ever

Millions of Frenchmen Furious

French voters missed a rendezvous with history on Sunday by failing to elect Socialist presidential candidate Segolene Royal, who was poised to become the nation’s hottest president ever.

France, which has long prided itself as a country that appreciates hot women above all else, had been expected to elect Ms. Royal, who would have immediately earned her place in the pantheon of history’s most sizzling heads of state.

Additionally, many voters saw the election of Ms. Royal as an opportunity to expunge the memory of such notably unsexy recent French presidents as Francois Mitterand and Jacques Chirac.

But when the votes were tallied on Sunday and it became clear that Ms. Royal had gone down to defeat, millions of furious Frenchmen took to the streets to protest the rejection of the steamy socialist candidate.

Pierre-Henri Moutarde, 37, a bookkeeper in central Paris, expressed an opinion typical of many of the angry Frenchmen who marched to protest the election results: “I did not agree with many of Segolene Royal’s policies, but she was so, how you say, smokin’ hot.” Read more here...

Church Prayer Rug

DISCLAIMER: Don't forget -- God invented humor, so remember that before you comment about how horrible a person I am for posting this clip.

Hillary vs Obama

Fred Thompson Is ... the Law & Order Candidate

Human Giant - Job Interview

I still haven't seen this "Human Giant" show for real on TV yet, but judging by the YouTube clips I've seen it looks like a friggin' riot!

Short Circuitz - George W. Bush Freestyle

Bush Refuses To Set Timetable For Withdrawal Of Head From White House Banister

WASHINGTON, DC—Though critics have argued that he does not understand the futility of his current situation, President Bush announced today that he has no plans to remove his head from its current position: wedged painfully between two balusters on a White House staircase.

"Setting a timetable for withdrawal of my head would send mixed messages about why I put my head here in the first place," Bush said at a press conference on the Grand Staircase. "I am going to finish what I set out to accomplish here, no matter how unpopular my decision may be, or how much my head hurts while stuck between these immovable stairway posts."

Democrats, emboldened by electoral victories that gave them control of both houses of Congress, are calling for Bush to begin withdrawing his head from the banister immediately.

"Why does the president refuse to pull his head out of that banister?" House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said in a speech yesterday. "Hasn't he had his head in there long enough? We'd all like to know just how the American people are being served by him keeping his head in that banister." Read more here...

Futurama - Political Parties in Year 3000

Talking Points

Cartoon first ran on Aug. 24, 2006

Chasers War on Everything - The World According to Fox News

George Carlin: American Bullsh*t

Rated "M" for Mature (obviously, right?)

Neil Cavuto of FOX News Says Government Shouldn't Help People Who Cannot Already Help Themselves

So New York Senator Chuck Schumer wants to help out homeowners who got in over their heads. Subbed and now primed for disaster. So Uncle Sam to the rescue.

Senator Schumer might not call this a bailout, but it is. Because any time you put taxpayer money on the table to support folks who cannot support themselves — that's a bailout.

Read more...

I won't take Cavuto's words and spin them out of context, but he and I obviously have a different take on what government's role should be.

The one thing Cavuto doesn't address in his commentary is what Sen. Schumer meant by "help out homeowners," and that's where Cavuto totally drops the ball. Look, the fact is a lot of these sub-brime mortgage lenders didn't just "dupe" people. They totally lied to them, used billions of dollars in resources to target and take advantage of Americans.

People SHOULD be held responsible for their actions, but there's a limit to what the average American can reasonably be expected to do. My gut tells me that people like Neil Cavuto, when they're buying a new multi-million-dollar home to add to their real estate portfolio, don't have to dig through all the complex lending paperwork themselves. Cavuto probably has a "money guy," a "tax man," and access to all sorts of help that his big salary pays for, but Joe America very often doesn't have Cavuto's resources. Joe America has to do the paperwork himself, has to dig through the complex mess of legal bullsh*t, and sometimes Joe isn't sharp or experienced enough to outsmart a zillion-dollar lending company whose ultimate objective is to maximize profits by, when it comes down to it, screwing people like Joe into taking on costly, risky sub-prime mortgages.

I don't believe as Americans we should completely undo and "bail out" borrowers who got in too deep, but I do think it would be right for us to

1) aggressively prosecute lenders who used predatory, manipulative tactics to dupe borrowers. They were allowed to get away with too much.

2) provide additional tax relief to homeowners who lost everything (beyond the regular deductions)

3) make available guaranteed low-interest personal loans to help them get back on their feet, and help homeowners shop for better loans in cases where the home can be saved

4) provide educational services to teach borrowers the tricks of the mortgage lending business to help them avoid being duped by ruthless companies in the future

5) and to even go so far as to help them cover the cost of medical payments for a year or two.

Would Cavuto consider that a bailout?

Cavuto says it's wrong to ask Americans who aren't being duped to subsidize those who do get duped. Obviously, there's an ideological issue here. Conservatives believe strongly in personal responsibility. Well, guess what? Most people -- left or right -- believe strongly in personal responsibility. But liberals believe that big corporations will often lie and cheat and that "free markets" don't really exist. Anyone who's ever taken a marketing or advertising course learns the many ways in which businesses seek to manipulate customers. Sometimes (not always), corporations do go too far and get away with it, and, when that happens, it's right to try and help.

Bush - The Commander Guy

Listen to the Commander Guy! The Young Turks, with Cenk Uyugr and Ben Mankiewicz, airs daily on Air America Radio from 6-9 am ET, and online at Theyoungturks.com.

Yes, I know what you're thinking.... You thought Bush was The Decider. Well, pay attention. He's "The Commander Guy." He stopped being The Decider a long time ago.

Happy Cinco de Mayo!

Religious Freedom - Not Funny

This isn't funny at all, so skip it if you're not in the mood for something serious, but yesterday at a forum I frequent (LiberalsOnly), one of the veteran members up and left after a nasty thread about religious freedoms that pit brother against brother, friend against friend. Let me break it down for you: The thread began after a statement someone made about the number of Catholic judges on the U.S. Supreme Court. They said that there were too many Catholics on the court, that it was unrepresentative of the overall U.S. population and that something "had to be done about it."

"Like what?" I asked. "Who cares what religion they are? If they were confirmed by the Senate, then who are we to care what religion they are?" In America we're supposed to be blind to race, color or creed, right? To the best of my knowledge, there aren't rules that say the makeup of the court must reflect the demographics of the country. Mind you, this happened on a liberal forum.

The thread went on and on like that for a while, with a group of people on one side of the argument saying that a nominee's or political candidate's religion was fair game. More than just "fair game," they were applying scary weight to it and said they thought it was reasonable to question people about where they stood on issues their church had positions on, as if to say that YOU must defend your church -- instead of just defending yourself.

The other side of the argument (where I was) agreed that it was right to question nominees about their record, about where they stand on issues like abortion, gay marriage, you name it -- but not in such a way that attacks them for their personal faith or lack thereof.

I don't know... It went on like that for a while. Feelings got hurt. I'm sure some of it was miscommunication. I think I was a little disappointed by all the attention being paid to particular religions like Catholicism and Mormon(ism?). I was raised Catholic, and every Catholic I know sees the world differently. We're not all the same, so to imply or assume that all Catholics or Muslims or Mormons or Jews or Protestants are going to view any issue the same way just seems like bigotry to me. It makes as much sense as assuming that all atheists think alike.

There's a lot of anti-religious sentiment on the far left. No question about it. The farther out to the left you go, generally the more atheists you'll find. That's fine. But this is America. Religious freedom -- or at least the struggle to achieve it -- is one of the things that makes America special. If we start demanding that people defend their religion to be able to serve in public office, what's next?

THE DAILY SHOW: Stop Snitchin'

Reagan Wins GOP Debate

I just got back from an excursion to Foxnews.com and MAN! -- there's a full-on Fred Thompson love-fest going on over there right now. It seems like everyone who's anyone in conservative punditry is goo-goo for the "Law and Order" guy.

The day after the first GOP presidential debate and the topic of discussion is a guy who hasn't even announced his candidacy, and may not announce one at all? What's up with that? What does that tell you about the reception out there for the guys who already have announced their candidacy? It tells me there's a lot of Republican voters out there pretty unsatisfied with the current GOP field.

I don't know ... I think Romney has a great tan. Heck, nowadays that just might be enough to win the White House.

Joke of the Day

"You all know who Nancy Pelosi is, right? She's the second most powerful woman in the country, right behind the D.C. madam." --Jay Leno

"When the Associated Press asked all the candidates what their dream job would be if they couldn't be president, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson said his dream job would be center fielder for the New York Yankees. Joe Biden said he wanted to be an architect. And Dennis Kucinich said his dream is to grow up and one day become a real, live boy" --Jay Leno

"President Bush vetoed the Iraq troop withdrawal bill. He said it would turn the country into a cauldron of chaos. And you hate to see Iraq become unstable." --David Letterman

"And my concern, David, is several." --George W. Bush, to NBC's David Gregory, Washington, D.C., April 3, 2007

National Lampoon's Feed The Children

The Middle Show - More White Stereotypes

Bushball!

Why do I think this is funny? I'll tell you why I think it's funny. Because it's funny seeing someone as powerful as the President of the United States literally dwarfed by someone else. Bush looks like a little schoolboy here, like a naughty little ragamuffin. "Look at that ball! It's such a fun ball! Oh, no! Why come my ball doesn't bounce? Uh oh.... Uh oh.... Ahehehehehehe!"

Giant people are cool.

Information Management

RED STATE UPDATE: George Tenet's Sorry-Ass Book

MARK FIORE: Veto Accomplished

Joke of the Day

"Four years ago today, President Bush gave his Iraq victory speech in front of the 'Mission Accomplished' banner. Well, I'm glad that's all behind us." --David Letterman

"Politicians having sex with prostitutes? What's the matter? All of a sudden, congressional pages aren't good enough anymore?" --David Letterman

"Tobias was the guy who Bush put in charge of promoting abstinence ... and chastity in places like the Mideast. He was also the CEO of the company that makes Cialis. ... So, it sounds like he was caught between Iraq and a hard place" --Jay Leno

"That's what makes this country great. The fact that thousands of Mexican people march in a state with an Austrian governor waving American flags made in China." --Jay Leno

"To comply with the bank's conflict of interest policy, Wolfowitz had Riza transferred to the State Department, given a $60,000 raise, a promotion, and guaranteed positive performance reviews ... to avoid conflict of interest. What's next? Bombing the s**t out of a country in order to help it?"--Jon Stewart

THE DAILY SHOW: Prostitution-Gate

COLBERT: Better Safe Than Sorry

A Victim of His Own Surge

Mission Still Accomplished

Cartoon first ran Aug. 14, 2006

Joke of the Day

"When the White House heard about this scandal, they were relieved. Finally, a Republican caught in a sex scandal with a woman." --Jay Leno

"The Georgetown branch of the Washington, D.C., public library caught on fire today. The White House said at no time was President Bush in any danger." --Jay Leno

"There were seven candidates up there. Seven and a half if you count woodland creature Dennis Kucinich." --Stephen Colbert

"San Francisco is terrific. It's a unique place. It's the only city in the world where marijuana is legal, but plastic bags are not. ... Everyone here is so nice and welcoming. Even Mayor Gavin Newsom sent me flowers. When I tried to thank him, he said, 'They're for your wife'" --Conan O'Brien

COLBERT: Is NASCAR the new Iraq?

White House Seeks Lying Czar

Would Coordinate Distortions about Iraq, Afghanistan

The White House in recent weeks has been quietly searching for candidates for the position of “lying czar,” a high-level administrator who would oversee all distortions and misrepresentations about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, a White House source confirmed today.

News of the administration’s search for a “lying czar” raised eyebrows in official Washington, where many insiders believe that the White House already has enough personnel to handle the creation and dissemination of war-related lies.

Specifically, many insiders wonder why an administration that already has advisor Karl Rove and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice would also need a “lying czar.”

“The Bush administration has a lot of world-class manpower, lying-wise,” one insider said. “This whole ‘lying czar’ thing seems like an unnecessary layer of bureaucracy.”

But White House insiders disagree, saying that those who believe a “lying czar” is unnecessary are oblivious to the overwhelming volume of distortions that are sorely in need of coordination at a high administrative level. Read more here...