Experts Go On Strike

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Work Action Could Last Months, Non-experts Say

In an unprecedented labor action that could directly impact American journalists’ access to space-filling quotations, America’s experts went on strike today, seeking payment and benefits for their oft-quoted remarks.

For decades, journalists who have been up against deadlines with many column inches to fill have called upon experts at colleges, universities and think-tanks in the hopes that the loquacious sages would spew forth much-needed verbiage.

In exchange, the experts have asked little more than that the journalists spell their names correctly – but all that is about to change, the striking experts hope.

At a massive rally of disgruntled experts at the University of Minnesota, Professor Davis Logsdon, a leading expert and the president of the United Experts Union, fired up the crowd of irate know-it-alls.

“As experts, the time has come for us to stand together and refuse to give away our opinions for free,” Professor Logsdon said. “And a recent study shows that ninety-eight percent of you agree with me.”

• February 01, 2007